oblivion

such a savior he was

that i did not even know

that i needed saving.

that he did not know he was

saving me

Before

as though i had had a lobotomy

any lover that i'd once manically adored

with flesh and conscience

became inconsequential

and no more

a sly trick of my boundless imaginings

as ever real.

a trek tireless

For if one were to cease

if one were to evaporate

to fold

to ashen

to loose one's grip

one would fall from the grace of one's grace.

one would wilt, perish

and

de

com

pose
and putrify

into the nothingness of one's non-existance

as though one never was

and therefore

unwarranted, ludicrous and excessive even in concept(ion)

One awakes

reluctantly

this most miserable pointless morrow

exclusively

for the sake

of one's own sake

hot air

if thee

thyself detest

well,

lost

irreconcilable

is a word, born from a concept

that i was not sure truly existed

and now it is clear

how and why it be.

for it is not a lack of common ground

that renders the differences unresolvable

(for a compromise can always be met:

because in its essence, it is a give and take until the predicament is solved.)

it is instead a number of variables that inhibit the process of factorisation from taking place in the first place.

therefore, under scrutiny

reconciliation, or lack thereof

pivots on a willingness to succumb. On a decision to settle.

and if one does not see one's error, but that of the other, there is no reason to concede, at which point neither to attempt to solve the issue at hand.

in my case, i will not give in and make myself weak

as he wont . we remain as a result, uncommunicative, and to the detrement of anything we could have had, irreconcilable.

i am a fool

more foolish than the most foolish of fools

a undeniable fool

a beautiful fool

because it's natural

and uncontestable

and sincere

my foolishness.

survivor

and as the plane crashed...

i sat calmly

scribing my imminent death

for those that would survive us.

awaiting death

(that was approaching so hastily

i wrote in an untidy cursive script

to fit all the adjectives in, in time)

with an  ironic abandon

i have never known to exist in me.

as the animals around me

screeching, peeing, panting

primal ,sweating, incredulous

animals aka passengers

hurried and dug

in the impossible vortex of emotion and matter;

i forgot for the moment

about the agony of my collapsing lungs

and came to terms

with death, though it annoyed me

that it was so untimely.

im only 23 for crying out aloud

There was no god

there was no light

there was no moral reckoning

that i feared would preside

soon thereafter.

it was just me.

then...

we were no longer to die.

the excursion was over.

we made an emergency landing in Moscow.

i shook someone's hand.

i grinned from relief.

spoke to airport staff.

only minutes later i was making self-inquiries

about how to take the Trans Siberian Express.

and that concluded it.
dawn had broken.